BEDA Day 4: In which Sara is a failure...

Goodness gracious is it day 4 already? It is weird (aka annoying) how fast time goes. Now. Allow me to complain. What the hell is the deal with college? You know those "coming of age" initiation ceremonies that you hear about? You know...the kid has to tie his nipples to weights and if he does not cry he passes the test? Or something like that. Haha. Well, that is how I feel about college. It is this ridiculous, painful initiation-to-adult-life process. I mean, I think education is important, but I feel like the way it is executed is... stupid. It is so overwhelming and intense that it feels impossible to do anything else with your life except school, school, school. Sooooo much school work expect in such a short period of time.

But on the other hand. Maybe I have just lost touch with my time management skills. Which is probably the answer. But still. I am overwhelmed despite that.

So here is the thing. I am always putting off stuff I want to for homework. Like practice guitar. Or writing...recreationally. Or work on hobbies and projects. It is always "I will do it once I finish this homework" but then I do not finish it until bed time or later and by the next day I have another huge assignment to take on. :( Fact: College steals your soul.

BUT! This argument against school is probably just because I do not feel fulfilled by the work I am doing atm. See the truth of it is, even when I took school off during the fall last year I did not really get any cool projects done that I thought I would do. And this is my fear. About life. That I will fail. That I will always be putting off the things I really want to do, in the name of jobs or...in the name of "i am stressed out and need to take a break". I am just afraid of being paralyzed in life and never really doing anything that I love. Which is a fear that has only developed since I graduated high school/community college. In high school, I was always doing and accomplishing and I never felt as much like a failure as I do these days....

Here is my life's story: "When I have time, when I have time"

Maybe my biggest problem is that I am just never satisfied unless I am overachieving with absolute perfection...

Anyway. This blog was a fail. But it is what I am thinking about right now, and being creative would have cut into my homework time. :) NIGHT.