BEDA Day 12: Blood is extra. (Commence ranting.)

My head hurts and my eyes are burning with the power of ten thousand suns. My head hurts every day. It is dumb. I always blame my glasses. Which is silly. I blame my eyes on the abundance of mascara I am wearing right now. This is because I had a job interview today at Forever 21. I am not sure I will get it. I have never gotten a job after doing an interview. Ever. Ever. Ever. Also, today it was a "group interview", which means they call in a bunch of people at once and interview you all at the same time, right in front of each other. Weird. But interesting. Better than the one on one, because it ensured that I was a tad bit less weird, but also more uncomfortable, because you have a whole bunch of people judging you at once. I do not think I did terrible, but I am not going to say I stood out. Plus, I think availability is an issue. My schedule is as every changing as the tide. As a matter of fact, the reworked schedule that I wrote down at the interview this afternoon is now no longer valid. Why? Because I got into this class that I have been checking EVERYDAY. ALL. SUMMER. for openings. There was one today, and I pounced on it like a tiger. However, immediately after I registered for it I started second guessing the decision. The reason for my lack of certainty revolves entirely around this fact: I have absolutely no confidence in myself as a writer. Not even an shred of an ounce. I am operating on the idea that I have very little chance of getting into the Creative Writing major. My entire purpose of transferring to this school was the prestigious and highly competitive Creative Writing major, but I cannot help but assume that everything I write is complete and total utter crap. In addition to this, I have recently gained the fear that the way I form sentences and manipulate the English language is "awkward" and "clunky". How can it be that something as simple as stringing together sentences is my downfall? It is almost like I am writing as if English is my second language. It all just makes me feel like I just need to give up. Especially being involved in the major. Learning about stuff that I always knew (being a reader) but never had to force myself to think about before is making me loose even more confidence in myself. I feel like thinking about it makes me over think about it, and my skills deteriorate with all the stress that comes with this knowledge. But maybe I am making excuses. Maybe I just suck. The problem is. There is no way to know. Your own writing always seems so different to you than it does to your reader. By an effing landslide. It is as trivial as figuring out the difference between self-image and how the rest of the world sees you. Anyway. End rant.

What do you tend to feel under confident about? Dreams that you feel like you need to give up on?

PS. Title explanation: Is started as "In which Sara beats herself up. Literally. (Blood is extra.)" Ha? HaHa?