Everything starts with a "so"...

So. Here I am sitting on the end of my top-bunk, twin bed at 3:30am. My "Writing Fiction" textbook facedown next to me open to the chapter I have been meaning to read since 12 hours ago. Listening to songs about Harry Potter and its fandom--correction, depressing, nostalgic songs about Harry Potter and its fandom--written by a person I know who has not texted me back in a couple hours. Listening to them with skullcandy earbud headphones that are missing the plastic cushioning things from them and hurt my ears because of it. My computer has 6 minutes until the battery dies and the cord is on the floor, which is far when you are on a top bunk at 3:35am. The question is, do I sleep, do I read my textbook with the booklight I brought up to my bed with me for that purpose, do I go get my computer cord, so I can continue listening to these songs by this person I know who did not text me back? Is there more than one correct answer? I feel as though I do not deserve to sleep having accomplished very little today. And above all else. I wonder. How do I make myself more interesting? These things in my life. This situation full of minor inconveniences that resembles the majority of my life more than I wish it did. How do I make that desirable information? (I just got my computer charger and plugged in my computer.) And more importantly, why do I want people to care?

Every morning, every week, every month, every year, I make goals for myself and at the end of the day, the week, the month, the year, I wonder why those goals have not been accomplished, and I reinstate them, hopelessly optimistic that this time, that these present moments to come will be more successful than the present moments that have past. Do I do it for myself, or do I do it for you, for myself?

Hmmm....and so on.