Thundercats Are No

It's one twenty-six in the am and here I am sitting on top of my empty desk with nothing but a Hogwarts snuggie, bag of pretzels, pillow, backpack full of slightly less soggy school work and the Severus Snape shirt on my back (also pants).

The status quo has changed.

I realized that I left my guitar in my room, which the humidifier people had made me believe would reach microwave status. Dehumidification and microwave temperatures are no place for a guitar. So I went back to rescue it. And shit my fiddle would you believe it!? My posters were all pretending to be kites!! So I stationed myself atop the only occupiable surface left in my room and decided to keep watch.

To be honest it isn't so bad. Much better than a public place. Not terribly hot. And the deafening fan noises are quite soothing in their own way. ...remind me of the ones my dad used to use on dry wall.

Anyway, the point is: A captain always goes down with his ship, pretzels, pillow, snuggie, schoolwork and Severus Snape shirt...

PS. If I'm not beef jerky by the end of this, none of us are.

Sara has no friends.

It's midnight o'two and here I am, the only customer in a late night coffee shop, wearing a t-shirt with Severus Snape's face on it, snow boots with no socks, an Eskimo looking coat, and a back pack harboring a pair of pajama pants, some texts books, and several odds and ends still soaked through from the flood.

And when I say flood, what I really mean is...flood.

The hot water heater at my house got tired of being a hot water heater and started leaking water all over the basement. My room is, apparently, the lowest place in the house. Guess where all that water pooled?

Yep, my room.

So I cleaned up my room--because there was no way I was letting people into my room to fix shit in the state is was in--, and when I finally got around to calling the landlord we were at critical floodage: meaning a bit of a puddle of water was making it's home upon my carpet.

The story goes on, but where it ends is here, alone in this coffee shop, while men, who watched me cry as I dismantled my room, are currently at my house, running some equipment that will be dehumidifying and anti-molding my room for the next 4-5 days.

The point of the story is, if my house were on fire and I only had three minutes, I would grab my soggy school work, my Eskimo costume, and the Snape shirt on my back.

But no socks. Those always take far too long to find.

2011 New Year's Resolution: Take 2!

Remember that blog I posted not even an hour ago? I take it all back. Don't get me wrong, I still want all those things, but what I really want this year is to notice every day go by. I want to be able to look back next year and think, "On this day last year...". I want every day to mean something, to be significant, and I want to feel alive on every single one of 2011's 365 days.

That is all I want: life.

So forget 2010 and let's embark on a year we will remember.

Less than 3,

Sara

PS. In the last hour, this happened: New Years Resolutions - Alex Carpenter

PPS. I also want to say the word "love" at least once every single day this year. :)

PPPS. New blog!! Love Everyday in 2011

It's 2011 now, so I am somehow obliged to do this...

New Year's Resolutions, of course.

#1: Keep my New Year's Resolutions

Because I never manage...

#2: Blog and vlog at least once a week, ...each?

Because I don't do it regularly enough...

#3: Go to the gym regularly

Because every NYR list must have this on it..., and it makes me happy

#4: Finish off college with a bang

When it's finished, I want to feel like I've given 100% to my last 2 quarters of school...

#5: Dedicate more time to being creative

It makes me happy, and I just don't do it enough

#6: Procrastinate less!

I want to have more time to do things I want to do, by being more productive 24/7

#7: Get a job!

Need I say more?

#10: Be more musical

One of the creative things I feel like I dedicate less time than I once did/ought to

#11: Be happy

Hmmm...that's all for now. 11 seems appropriate for 2011, eh? I think these are all quite related. I need to spend more time doing things that I really, really want to do and less time avoiding doing things that I'm not so inspired by so as to make more time for the former. (This is now a circle. :P) I once read that Virgos have a tendancy to loose inspiration for stuff if they don't do it right away, so I need to start doing things as soon as I feel inspired for them or learn to extend the inspiration.

At this exact moment 1 year ago, I was driving through Wyoming on my way to Seattle. I moved exactly one year ago, and it hasn't been nearly what I was hoping for. In fact, I've spent most of my time there quite depressed. I am at home in Wyoming right now, and I think I'm finding that, what I was looking for up there in WA was perhaps what was right here in front of me all along. I have often said that the best days of my life were the last 4 months of 2009, when I was living on my own here in Riverton. I think it is time to analyze why that was and consider revisiting my life then, because I've had enough of being unhappy. Time to take control of my life, to follow my heart for once.

On the other hand, I feel like going back to WY would be a bit of a "stuck in the past" situation, might keep me from growing as a person and achieving all the things that I want to achieve. Might be a form of "dwelling on dreams" and "forgetting to live". But perhaps it was that kind of thinking that got me into this situation to begin with... I'm just tired of missing people. Find me a place where everyone I love is all around me, all the time. Please, thank you.

Love,

SARA J.

perfection is a goddamn lie, so don't ever believe it

let me list a few words i could stand to hear less often:

photographic, memory, perfect, pitch, jesus.

not because i hate what they stand for but the way people use them.

here's the surprise.

are you ready?

not everybody who thinks they have a photographic memory is right about that.

guess what else?

not everybody who "speaks for jesus" really does.

know what else?

i bet none of them do.

know what else is weird?

that the phrase "perfectly healthy" not only exists but is used so often. who has ever been perfectly healthy? no one. not one single person. everybody in this world has something going on inside them that is killing them. maybe i have said this before, and maybe i have said it a million times, but maybe that fact has something to do with the other fact that there has never been even one single person in this world who was "perfectly happy." surely they would live forever...

Remember that one poem?

Hey. Remember that poem I posted during BEDA? You know. Not the one that was not by me, but the one that WAS by me? And remember how I told you that I had just written it that day, and it was by no means finished? Yeah. Okay. Well, I recently revised it. So I thought I would post the new version...you know. To give you an idea of the revision process and all that. So...here it is...

(Still up for critiquing and all that. Nothing is ever, ever, EVER finished. Feel free to tell me how you react to it, and how you think it could be improved. Or even, if you liked the first version better.)

Fall

Late September had

you and I lying

in mounds of orange, yellow, red

assigning our secrets

to the raining leaves,

we watched as they fell from the nest:

two hatchlings, both dead.

Winter came early that year.

Also. If you are, for some reason, interested in reading the original version, you can see that here.

On a different note, has anybody else gotten to the point where they feel like they have no outlet for saying things about people anymore? I mean...I used to just tweet or Facebook or whatever. But now everybody who I WOULD say something about is likely to read these things. I want to say something so badly right now, because sometimes you are just annoyed and you just need to get something out of your head, and then you feel better, but alas.... Anyway, I recently wrote a short story that got a lot of shit out of my head. So maybe I will just starting writing long fiction about things that annoy me. LOL.

NIGHT!

PS THANKS for reading! xo

BEDA Day 31: I DID IIIIIIIIIIT!! Also, 26 shirts.

OH. EM. GEE. Last day of Beda. Thank goodness. I hated this. I do not write well under pressure. I know...I know...what a detrimental quality for a wanna-be writer...

Anyway. I am super tired right now. Sitting in the basement of a house where I, as of today, know about three people. I only say it is a house because you will take me seriously if I say house. In reality it is Aragog's lair. Spiders. Spiders. Spiders. Also. There is a pile of exactly 26 t-shirts next to me.

I love my bedroom. Love it. It was build for me. I know it. They were like. Sara J Perkins. BAM. Done. The closet is like this perfect shape for me to really fuck around with. Which is to say. Hang things EVERYWHERE. I mean necklaces, purses, scarves, hats, belts, EVERYTHING draping down the walls. Then there is like this ledge all the way across the top bit of the longest wall. I do not even have to worry about getting a bookshelf. It was built in!! Woot. Also. There are seven corners in here (not coutning the 5 corner closet). So many corners! I love corners. They are the only place where I feel truly comfortable putting stuff. It weirds me out to have something just hang out next to a straight wall. Anyway, my carpet and paint are both new (YES!) and this room is much smaller than the one at my apartment. Which is good. I was not made for large open spaces. I like to be confined in small places. So much more comfortable. One of the reasons why I like LOTS of trees. this is why I sometimes tell people I am a bit agoraphobic. It is not a fear. But a preference.

Did I mention the pile of 26 shirts? It is not like a normal pile. They are all laid out flat on top of each other. It is quite curious.

Oh wait. I forgot the one drawback. There is no furniture. (YET.) I have to get my bed from my parents' when I go back to Wyoming for the next week or so. Other than that I plan on just picking up stuff people are done with and giving away for freeee. I need to do that tomorrow. Now is the best time because everyone is moving so therefore giving away their stuff. I am a scavenger. Living off the land. Sometimes scavengers are bad... :( Anyway, tonight I just plan on curling up in a ball in a corner with my bed things...like a nest. Like Kreacher. I do hope I get this place decorated before I go...Did I mention I have a job interview tomorrow AND the next day? Well...I did now. Too bad I have to go to Hogwarts tomorrow and will miss both of them. ;)

Anyway. That is just me talking. I am done now. Just excited about how much I love my new quarters. Finally have my own room again. It. Has. Been. AGES.

Okay. So as for September...well. I will explain it tomorrow...sigh. But the main idea is that I focus on the "List of Things to Do" that I made a few blogs ago and accomplish one or more of them every single day. No matter what it is. As long as I do SOMETHING. ANYTHING. And I will post here what I do, so then I cannot be so lazy as I usually am. The kind of lazy that makes me feel unaccomplished and what not.

Anywhoser. I am done with this. I have said it a million times this month, and I will say it again. I do not like blogging like this. A blog, for me, is an outlet of expression. This kind of blogging--the turning one out every single day when you do not have time for creativity kind of blogging--is just like diary keeping...and it is not my niche. Nevah again. It is like the difference between a vlog and a creative youtube video. You know? I am not a vlog kind of blogger. I am a self proclaimed creative expression kind of blogger. Haha.

PEACE BEDA! :D

PS Remind me to buy hangers tomorrow. I have got these 26 shirts....

Night.